forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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