k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
