Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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