Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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