i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
