At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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