I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
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