I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
