her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
