is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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