yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Never joke about your clitoris.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize