Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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