She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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