can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
