my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
why do cheetos always look like penises
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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