On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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