yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
