I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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