at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
