We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize