third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
