guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
