i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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