Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
