just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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