just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
