She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
wow bdsm is so cute
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
