its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Found the puke drawer
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
