I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
