Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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