No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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