i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
