Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
