Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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