I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
