and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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