He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
