I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
