We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Randomize
