I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
