I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Randomize
