return my video game
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
