Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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