We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
