Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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