so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
