Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
