just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
