totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Randomize
