dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
