Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Randomize
